Chanuka Installment #3: Tips for Celebrating Chanuka As a Maccabee Mommy

Every time Judaism requires some form of inner quiet and focus, the sound of thousands of women's sighs can be heard around the world. Mommyhood and quiet never go together in the same sentence; it's almost like they are mutually exclusive. And thank G-d, because it means our kids have lungs and vocal chords that are healthy and work. So despite being grateful for having healthy children, how can women combat the FOMO of certain mitzvot?

I didn't write the previous installment to put salt in women's wounds. Yes, it's really hard for women of small kids to find half an hour to sit and gaze at the candles without getting pulled and distracted by adorable and very loud "factors." Despite the challenge, here are a few tips.

1. It's not all or nothing.

Don't try to do all eight nights. Even or if you're able to do it one night out of the eight, that's already great! You've already drawn some of the bounty/light of Tishrei down into your mind.

Even just being able to do that once gives you a place to return to. And there are years where it just won't work out a single night because the toddler caught a virus, the baby is teething and the school age child is acting up, etc and so forth. That's ok, be"H there will be next year. Hang in there momma. But sometimes it will and that light can carry you if you let it.

2. Harness Their Attention

This is tip from Rabbi Weiner! He said during the half hour after candle-lighting is the perfect time to gather the kids around you and read/tell them tales of tzadikim. This is a way that all of you can draw the light of Chanuka into your souls! So earlier in the day/week, prepare a book/source in advance as a way to maximize the candle time. After candle-lighting, stick the baby on to nurse/bottle/whatever, sit the kids close and tell them stories.

When my kids were little, I used to do that with "The Animated Menorah" book (which has exactly eight stories and amazing claymation pictures). As they got older, we started reading other books that were a little less childish but still held their interest. For example Gershon Kranzler has a whole bunch of books ("The Precious Little Spicebox," "The Silver Matzoth," to name a few) that are based on history (Crusades, Inquisition era etc) that are interesting (swash-buckling adventures etc) and inspiring and introduce kids to the world our sages lived in. And then we moved onto Chabad books such as "Tzadikim Anshei Maaseh" (in Hebrew) which is a compilation of stories of tremendous strength and self-sacrifice under Tsarist and Communist oppression. Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that resources exist and it's important to know what's age appropriate (not too babyish and not too over their heads) and to be in tune with what interests them and use that for our own sanity LOL.

-> And one final heads-up: Shabbos Chanuka!

Challenge: One of the hardest erev Shabbosim a person goes through (outside of erev Shabbos when Pesach Seder is Friday night). Shabbos is already crazy early cuz it's winter and now you have to be ready at least half hour earlier because you need time to prepare the candles and light them and prep for Shabbos all in the same time window. Whew!

Tips:

Make sure to cook in advance this week. You blink and it's Shabbos. This is one week to push yourself and stay up getting everything done even if you're exhausted because the pay off the next day is huuuuge.

Wishing all of us a beautiful Chanuka that charges our batteries for the winter ahead and gives us the energy to fight all the different types of darkness in our lives with light. Happy Chanuka!!

Chanuka Installment #2: IllumiNation

Kedushas Levi's tweet

In order to understand Chanuka's significance on a personal, meditative level (versus historical/national one) Rav Levi Yitzchak of Berdichev, in his work "Kedushas Levi" says we need to put it in context of the rest of the year. He states it as follows: 

"The rule is on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kipur, Hakosh Baruch Hu prescribes good for the Jewish people but only on Chanuka do the Jewish people start to see it with their mind, that is in thought…and then on Purim in speech when they read the megilah, and on Pesach in action when they eat the matza…" 

Anyone familiar with Chasidic/Kabbalistic concepts will immediately notice the paradigm Rav Levi Yitzchak is referring to. Just so we're all on the same page, here's a brief breakdown:

Deciphering the Kedushas Levi tweet: Intro to the Four Worlds

Chasidus talks about how all change happens through four progressive stages. Whether Chasidus is talking about how G-d created the world or about how a person functions consciously – the same paradigm is used and that is the paradigm of descent through four worlds.

The four worlds start from the most abstract and ethereal, Atzilus, pass on to Beriyah, then Yetzirah, and end off in the most concrete, Asiyah. These worlds also have their counterpart within the garments of the soul (Chasidus's term for human functions) : Atzilus parallels Will/Desire, Beriyah - Thought, Yetzirah is the world of Speech and Asiyah is the world of Action.

This paradigm illustrates what makes humans tick. For example: where do my actions (the world of Asiyah) come from? It all starts with a desire which is very abstract – so abstract that I might not even be aware of it. The first step to actualize my desire/will is to contract it into a thought. Then the thought needs to be further constricted (into words/breath/syllables) in order to be communicated outside my head so it can get one step closer to becoming reality. And finally, I follow through on my thoughts and speech and it becomes action.

Back To Berdichev and Putting Things in Context

Now with all of this background we can return to that terse Kedushas Levi and put all the pieces into place.

He said that G-d prescribes tremendous good to the Jewish people for the year. How do we bring this down into our lives? Into which vessels can this light flow? Turns out that each of the holidays embodies a different world, and by hashgacha pratis (divine providence) falls in the calendar at just the right time.*

[*The Pri Tzadik goes into a detailed clarification, explaining the anachronism of the mystical paradigm and the historical revelation of the holidays. In simple English: how the heck did the Jewish people receive the light that Chanuka gives, before the Maccabees' victory? What did we do for centuries before that?? I might cover this topic as an appendix.]

Tishrei is the palace of divine will, where on the one hand, G-d seals us in the Book of Life etc but after we spend the holidays (R"H, Y"K) getting in tune with OUR will (for teshuva, health, etc). Then the good can trickle down through the levels of consciousness (aka the garments of the soul thought, speech and action).

The Kedushas Levi seems to be hinting that the special mitzvot are a perfect reflection of the essence of the function of the holiday.  Or if I could put it slightly differently, the vessels (for mitzvot always arrive know order to create receptacles for divine bounty/light) are a perfect reflection of the light they come to contain.

Calendar Dynamic

So working backwards, Pesach is all about action.  (It is true that Pesach has a whole speech side to it as well, as developed by Sfas Emes etc, but that is on the national level, on our ability to express ourselves as a nation.  On the level of the individual its facet is that of action.) All the main mitzvot such as destroying chametz and eating matza,  drinking four cups of wine, the dipping and reclining - all actions. Rav Levi Yitzchak points out that in contrast, Purim is all about speech; the main mitzvah is reading the megila.

Which leads us to Chanukah: in the previous installment I pointed out that other than lighting candles and gazing at them there is nothing else we do in order to consecrate the holiday. Now we can understand why: because that is its essence, the purification of thoughts. The Greeks didn't want to execute us - they wanted to taint our wisdom, our philosophy, our mentality. They had no problem with us learning Torah - as a means to becoming more intelligent; what they had a problem with was our active belief that our learning was sacred and that through it, we can connect with our Creator. All of their decrees were to change our mentality and intentions – not necessarily our actions or speech.

So the mitzvah is to let the pure olive oil (a recurring icon for "chochmah" in midrashic and mystical literature) and the light of the miraculous candles cleanse our mind. By purifying the mind, this will in turn influence our entire year so that we think correctly the rest of the year; that in turn will help our speech and actions to be correct, since all stems from thought. 

Chanukah doesn't lack mitzvot because it is a rabbinical holiday, but rather because everything about it is cognitive and meditative. That's why the mitzvah is not just lighting the candles but sitting for at least half an hour and just gazing at them, not doing melacha, etc. Instead of fussing and doing - we are meant to be absorbing the clean unpolluted light and wisdom that they are meant to unlock within our souls and clean out the chambers of the mind.

Next Installment: Um, so that's it? What about ME?! Cuz I'm a mommy I can't do this mitzvah?  Waaahhh…  Nope,  have no fear.  Stay tuned :) 

Chanuka Installment #1: Halacha - The Laws of Banishing Darkness

Chanuka has one mitzvah – candle lighting – but this mitzvah actually breaks up into three:

A) Actually lighting them

B) The Timing of the Mitzvah

C) Afterwards

A) The Obligation to Light Them

Every man and woman is obligated to Chanuka candles. This means that:

-a single woman or a woman whose husband is absent (on a business trip etc) must light candles.

-usually a bat mitzvah age girl can be yotzeh (fulfill her obligation) with her father's lighting, but if she is home alone for some reason (and a parent will not be there to light for her) she is obligated to light for herself.

-seminary girls and other women who live independently are obligated to light individually - unless they pool their money and appoint one girl to represent/"motzi" them.

B) The Timing of the Mitzvah

There are 2 time-related elements to this mitzvah:

i) what time the candles need to be lit

ii) how long they need to burn.

i) What time?

Ideally one should light at sunset (shkiyah), but if there are extenuating circumstances, such as family members who will come home later, then they can be lit anywhere between sunset and midnight. This is because having everyone light together trumps lighting at sunset. That said, if there are further delays, one may light after midnight with a bracha. Whoever forgot or circumstances interfered and caused him to not light the whole night, continue to light the rest of the nights regularly.

Many branches of Judaism say it is forbidden to eat until the candles are lit but Chabad does not hold this way. It is permitted to eat before candle lighting, especially if not lighting at sunset because of waiting for family members to arrive.

ii) How Long?

The candles must burn for at least a half hour into the halachic time called night (which is when the stars emerge, called tzes/tzet hakochavim). If a candle had enough fuel to burn for at least half an hour and was extinguished due to an unforeseen circumstance, then there is no need to relight the candles. Despite this fact, the Jewish people have a minhag to relight them anyway without a bracha.

When lighting at sunset, the candles must burn for 50 minutes in order to ensure that they burn the 30 minutes into tzes hakochavim, since sunset is 20 minutes before night aka tzes.

C) Afterwards - "Using" The Candles' Light the Right Way

We know – and even sing it in "Haneiros Hallalu" – that it is forbidden to use the light of the candles for any practical purpose such as light for reading, etc. But at the same time, a minhag the Jewish people have had since time immemorial is to tarry by the candles; either gaze at them/meditate or read/study Chanuka-related topics/books for half an hour. (Yes, exactly the minimal amount of time that the candles are meant to burn.) Whoever can do this for longer (like an hour) – "this is praiseworthy." We want to draw every bit of light from them into our souls, until they go out.

Amazing Jewish women have a minhag not to do melacha for half an hour and to sit and watch the candles. It's nice if you can do it but don't drive yourself crazy though, or as Rabbi Weiner put it "but don't turn the house upside down to fulfill this." All it means is if you can just sit and watch the candles then do that instead of running to throw a load of laundry in right after you light. However if this is impossible, then aim to do it another night of Chanuka or next year :) 

Separate Halachic Challenge – Erev Shabbos Chanuka (insert blood-curdling scream here) :

A) Timing:

On erev Shabbos we must push up Chanuka candle lighting in order to light them before the Shabbos candles. If one forgot and lit Shabbos candles first, then you can't light Chanuka candles. A woman's husband can light Chanuka candles for her if he didn't accept Shabbos yet.

B) Candle Endurance:

Because we're lighting earlier, we have to use candles/quantity of oil that are able to last/burn longer because they need to last half an hour into the night. Globally, we light 18 minutes before sunset but in Jerusalem it's 40 minutes so do the math how long the candles need to last.

C) Afterwards/Gazing

We do not do the minhag of tarrying by the candles erev Shabbos Chanuka, because well, duh!

Next installment: The hashkafa behind the halacha according to Chasidus.