Gah. Never thought I was going to start a post like that but it seems fitting. I did not accomplish what I thought I was going to, and I guess that's pretty much the point of writing this – we're always running and never catching our tails. (Didn't finish the piece on the mitzvah on chinuch. Please G-d, plan to publish it on isru chag.)
It's never-ending. If you're not changing diapers – you're potty training (hello the laundry that never ends). And if you're not potty-training, you're helping them learn to read and do homework. And if you're not doing homework with them, you're dealing with some other need they have. And when they're done school, then you sit on the computer and phone checking out shidduchim. And once they're married, then you're helping them in other myriad ways. (FTR I bless every one of us to always be busy.)
Bottom line, after all the lovely ideas from the Rebbe on the fact that we are strong and capable bastions of light, meant to cause the people in our lives to shine, ok very nice but how am I supposed to do that in real life? The life where my kids do not see themselves as light and Torah thirsty souls but just want tablet time and their 5th cookie?
What are the challenges of Shavuot? Where are
we meant to invest our limited energy?
A. Making sure the kids hear the 10
commandments.
The Rebbe said this is
the most important part of the holy day. This can be hard because doing
anything that requires quiet and concentration when you're a mommy, is a
challenge.
Useful tip: To ensure that my little ones didn't talk through
anything important (like parshas zachor, the 10 commandments, etc) I used to prepare
nosh baggies (with non-sweet treats) in advance and only give them out
right before the reading so their jaws are busy and we can all listen. I also used
to try to time nursing the baby during this window of time.
B. Learning
*Make time to chavrusa
with each of your kids. More crucial than making mini-espresso cheesecakes, prioritize
time (before yomtov) to go through age-appropriate Torah literature and choose something bite-sized
and fitting to learn with each kid.
Useful tip: Always keep it short; always keep them wanting
more and running after you. Even if they're asking you "wait, and then
what?" or you have these great things you want to share with them – hold back.
Wait for another opportunity. Never learn with them until they're satisfied or
worse, fed up.
*Depending on the community you live in, learning
will be easy or impossible. I'm not even talking hashkafically, I mean
logistically. When we lived in a settlement, it was pretty easy for me and my
husband to tag team it Shavuos-night because that was the culture of the yishuv.
Once we moved to the city, setting up learning with
other mommies never worked out. The only women who were into it were MOMS
(aka women who didn't mind coming over to my house, because I couldn't leave a
sleeping baby at home alone) not mommies. And ftr that was totally fine - it
was a diff experience learning with women who were at a diff place in life than
I was. And years when nothing worked out - I chose a piece of Torah and learned it myself or with one of my "big" kids who were too little to go to shul.
C. Staying up all night.
*Ladies - are not meant
to! (I mean if you really want to, go right ahead but…) You are a mommy for
G-d's sake!!
Useful tip: Grab every chance to sleep that you can!
*Dealing with the (age-appropriate) males in your
family. (Does it need to be said that your 5 year old doesn't need to stay up
all night learning Torah?!) There are 2 challenges: before (helping them be
ready to go out to learn and not conking out before) and after (sleep-deprivation
the next day).
Useful tips:
Before:
i. naps
- Often not possible or realistic but also not a dealbreaker, in my experience.
ii. food - Just a personal
recommendation: (and I found this is much more significant in helping with
staying up) I serve a fancy dairy/fish meal in the night, because meat/fowl
makes people drowsy.
After: After lunch - shluffy time!
D. Speaking of eating:
*Chabad
custom is to make
kidush after shul (in the daytime) and to not wash for hamotzi and only eat
dairy mezonot (i.e. blintzes, cheesecake etc). After bracha achrona (al
hamichyah etc) re-set the table for a meat meal (which eats up the necessary
half hour between dairy and meaty) and wash and have a meat meal. (Ftr - it's perfect – after the
meat meal they conk out. That's when I would have ladies over to learn.)
G-d willing, next installment: the mitzvah of chinuch and what is and why we need to receive Mother's Torah and Father's Torah.
Gut Shabbos and Gut Yomtov!!
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