Installment #2: Tips for Harnessing The Tired Mind

Even for Israelis, the high holiday prayers pose a huge challenge; the language is archaic and peppered with fragments of diverse Torah allusions few can catch. Not understanding what you're saying makes it even harder to say with meaning; add the exhaustion and distraction of being a mommy to the mix and it's a recipe for despair and frustration. What I have found over the years – and I have found this to be true for ruchnius and gashmius - is that it all comes down to advance preparation.

I have three tips for drawing meaning out of the well of Rosh Hashana:

1. Prepare in advance technically

2. Pick your battles and tag team with your spouse

3. Prepare in advance mentally

Tip #1: The Map of the Machzor

To get somewhere successfully, one must first be aware of the destination. Tefila is certainly no different, for it definitely is meant to be a journey. All the tefilot were composed with a clear structure that leads the davener to the destination. So just like you would at least open Google maps in advance to plan a trip, making time in advance to flip through the machzor – even 5 minutes! – can make a difference. After all, you need to get reacquainted with something you haven't looked at in a whole year.

Here's a little X-ray, breaking down the anatomy of the Rosh Hashana davening:

The opening and the closing of the Amidah are (almost) always the same: 3 praise brachot (one praising Hashem's chesed - "magen Avraham," another blessing His gevura - "mechayeh ha-metim," and the 3^rd – His Sanctity "ha-Kel ha-Kadosh") and Gratitude at the end. The body is what changes, depending on the occasion.

On Rosh Hashana, a shift occurs: the 3^rd bracha becomes an extended coronation bracha "ha-Melech ha-Kadosh." The body then contains one bracha sanctifying the day, which signs off fittingly with "Melech al kol ha-aretz mekadesh Yisrael ve'Yom ha-Zikaron." The blessings all steer the davener's attention to Hashem's function as Supreme Monarch.

Rosh Hashana's musaf Amidah has a unique structure where the body is arranged around 3 blessings: Malchuyot (verses of Kingship), Zichronot (verses of Remembrances) and Shofarot (verses of Shofar blasts), in that specific order. The first thing we reflect upon is G-d's total kingship and sign off with "Melech al kol ha-aretz mekadesh Yisrael ve'Yom ha-zikaron." Next, we meditate upon His omniscience, as specifically expressed by His inability to forget or omit any element that binds us to Him; we seal this section with the blessing "zocher ha-brit." And lastly, Birkat Shofarot runs through the reminders of how the shofar binds us to G-d – be at Har Sinai when we pledged unwavering allegiance to Him, or from the words expressing our yearning to hear Moshiach's coronation shofar blast. We sign off with "shome'a kol teruat amo Yisrael be'rachamim." Each blessing/section is punctuated with the baal tokeia's 10 blasts before moving on to the next one.

Tip #2 & 3: Partnership and Prepping the Journey

Making time to go through the machzor also gives us 2 other advantages:

Tip #2: Partnership

-Familiarity with the text in order to choose what you want to prioritize to attend or possibly participate in shul.

There are different ways to tag team with a spouse or friend/other loved one who is willing to help.

-Sometimes one's husband can go to an earlier minyan so you can go to a later one OR

 -Vice versa. I know plenty of women who said "I was up with the baby anyway at 4am. He's fed and going to sleep for a couple of hours – I could go to vatikin."

-If that's not an option, there are ways to participate, as long as you stay focused:

Either through asking your husband to watch the kids for this one part OR

-by finding a way to go with them. I would tell an older child "we're going to go to the park but we're coming in to shul for 5 minutes for prayer X. And then we can go and play again." It taught them 2 things: 1) Ima has needs too and she is not at their beck and call 2) they are Yidden, even if they are children and this is Rosh Hashana for them too, even if they are little.

Tip #3: Mental Prep

 I want to convey this with a story. Note: I am by NO means sharing this story in order for it to be emulated but to make a point.

At some point during mommyhood, I noticed that I needed to go away by myself for a night during Elul to rest up before diving into Tishrei and my "battery charger" was Netanya. Despite truly appreciating the privilege of being a mother, there were years where I very much missed the words of the Rosh Hashana prayers and literally longed for them.

So one year, I decided to bring my Rosh Hashana machzor with me to Netanya and spend the morning saying the tefilot I would not have a chance to say in real time. I could say them slowly, without interruptions, with a rejuvenated mind, after a full night of uninterrupted sleep. I could ponder them and dig deep within myself and watch them take root. And so that is what I did one year. I was able to connect and I said the whole thing with Hashem's name and everything. And as I was davening I said in my heart "Hashem please accept everything I say today - on Rosh Hashana itself. You know that I want to say it then and You also know that I won't be able to, so please accept it then."

Fast forward several years, and I asked Rabbi Weiner if what I did was wrong halachically. His answer was as follows: "If you are asking strictly from the dry halachic vantage point - then it is forbidden to say the blessings of the Rosh Hashana prayers and musaf on the inappropriate day because that would be a form of taking G-d's name in vain. But… there is that which is above the heavens… there, is Hashem… and there are things that stand above. And there, I do not know what Hashem thought about your prayer."

The takeaway from the story is this: that the only problem was saying it with Hashem's name. But carving out time to say the prayers and go into Rosh HaShana (and maybe even YK) feeling mentally prepared, lessens the FOMO IRT. At least I can say that for me, it did. If the King is in the field all of Elul, we should take advantage of the kids being in daycare/school and consecrate time to spend with Him.

Next installment be"H: How on earth do we, today, even relate to the concept of Monarchy?!!