Installment #1: The Challenges of the Halachic Obligations of Rosh Hashana

I had a really hard time figuring out where to start. It sounds funny when it's so obvious – duh, start with Rosh Hashana, at the very beginning. But it's not that simple.

When I sat down to start typing up the topics I need to cover halachically, I was surprised to discover how truly few there are. What's overwhelming about Rosh Hashana isn't the plethora of laws to keep track of like, like Pesach, but the intensity of the concept of the holiday. For many women the combination of motherhood and taking care of mundane physical needs feels like it collides with the holidays, instead of just intersecting with them. They feel stuck in the tension between where they want to be (in shul, immersed in introspection) versus where they are (i.e. at the park, pushing your baby and/or toddler on the swing). There's this feeling like you're in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The crazy thing about feelings is that they are simultaneously very real and false at the same time. Our feelings come from a very deep place but sometimes they mislead us because we misread them or have incorrect definitions that cause us to misinterpret a situation.

In terms of the dry halacha itself:

There is only one mitzvah that we have to observe to sanctify the day (other than the regular stuff like Amidah, kidush etc etc) and that is hearing the 100 blasts of the shofar. That's it. Doesn't matter if it's in the privacy of your own home or part of minyan. All the liturgy is important, but only in the sense that it is there to help one tap into the energy of Rosh Hashana, but it's not a mitzvah.

Regarding the question of the barebones halacha of davening on Rosh Hashana, one student put it so well: "When you have little kids (especially when this includes a newborn), what is a reasonable expectation/goal for davening? How to prepare for YT spiritually when we are so busy with the gashmius? Tbh a real struggle is trying to do anything at all (like davening) vs giving up and feeling resigned to the fact that it’s not happening in the first place."

I asked Rabbi Winer what women should prioritize davening on Rosh Hashana, with their limited mental resources. He answered: "kriyat shema and Amidah. If she finds more time/energy/opportunity – then musaf as well." I was surprised by his answer because women are exempt from kriyat shema. I asked him why he said that, to which he replied "you asked what a woman should prioritize on Rosh Hashana. I said Amidah because she is obligated and kriyat shema because its essence is accepting the yoke of heaven upon oneself , which is the entire essence of Rosh Hashana." It's not about "U'netaneh tokef," or bowing in Aleinu. It boils down to this: if you're going to muster the kavana for shema only one time the whole year – this is the day to do it.  

Inward or Outward bound?

Which leads me to my next point – how we define the value of spiritual things. It seems we get so distracted by superficial things that we overlook the essence. On Rosh Hashana, the essence is passing on to ourselves and our children a sense of choosing to submit before Hashem as a king. Hearing the piyutim and being part of minyan is impressive but not essential. I feel like tackling this issue is harder now than in previous generations. And it's not because of feminism or opportunity, but rather because we, as a generation, attribute more weight to the superficial than previous generations. A student was just telling me how her fiancé asked her not to post things on FB after the wedding because of how many friends they both know who live "relatively," who become unhappy because they are always comparing their sense of normalcy to 2D images they see there.

Many women may be naturally spiritually inclined, so only part of the issue is defining spiritual experience by superficial criteria such as participation in public ritual. I'll be the first to admit that it's not just that. The other part is just a question of being able to concentrate, as several students wrote in. When you're a mommy, mental energy is a rare commodity: either due to internal distractions (exhaustion etc) or external distractions (the children's needs). In the next installment I will be"H tackle tips for how to deal with this challenge. (Yes there is hope!)