The 3 Weeks - Installment #2: Restrictions part 1: Introduction and Music

The basis for the restrictions of sefirat ha-omer and the 3 weeks/9 days is the laws of mourning. While there are similarities there are also significant differences. In fact, the best way to understand the laws of the 3 weeks is by juxtaposing them with the laws of sefirat ha-omer – and this will be my foundation for conveying the laws.

Quick breakdown:

During sefirat ha-omer and the 3 weeks, organizing and/or attending joyous events (whether life cycle-related - such as weddings, etc or just entertainment – like concerts) is forbidden. The offshoot of that prohibition is refrain from listening to music. Additionally, during both time periods it is forbidden to purchase new items of any type, especially garments, as well as grooming oneself (getting haircuts; for men – shaving their faces, etc). In general, doing things that are associated with happiness are meant to be minimized.

During the 9 days there are additional restrictions that are not only connected to refraining from happiness but also putting oneself in dangerous situations. These include refraining from travelling long distances (once upon a time, by boat was the only option, but today it includes airplane), not doing laundry, not eating meat or drinking wine or grape juice, and not participating in water activities such as swimming or bathing.

In the final installment (be"H) I hope to manage to find and write up the deeper meaning behind these traditions. But for now, I would like to get into how to properly observe these days. They are not meant to be arbitrary days of torture but rather times carved out for us to reflect on how we interact with these elements of life called happiness, abundance and progress.

A. Music for Mommies

Everyone knows that music has tremendous influence over the body and soul, but mommies experience this especially potently. On days that even after a glass of wine, you still find yourself shaking and seething, putting on the right song washes a chunk of the sorrow and stress away. Not only that, but sometimes (ironically) the key to getting a few minutes of quiet, is to put on your baby's/child's favourite cd. So are we meant to suffer helplessly over the 3 weeks?

The issue with listening to music is mostly listening to live music. This is because it's associated with public, happy events and THOSE are what constitute the essence of the prohibition, during sefirat ha-omer and the 3 weeks. So listening to recorded music, privately, for relaxation (unlike say, organizing a dance party in your living room) - either your own or your child's tranquility - is totally permitted during sefirat ha-omer. 

That said, Rabbi Weiner said that during the 3 weeks, the laws are more stringent. And this brings us to what I wrote in the previous installment about self-awareness and consciousness. I feel like Rabbi Weiner wrote it so perfectly in the email, so i am just going to quote him: "If it is necessary for one's mental well-being ("for the soothing of the soul"), it is permissible to listen to music even during the 3 weeks because it is like medicine which is permitted to be taken. But one must minimize this and really think about what is truly necessary." 

BAM! That last sentence there is the essence of what it means to be a chasid. Music def has medicinal properties but so does Tylenol. Just as we needn't run to pop pills over every little ache for our physical health, so too we need awareness of the situation and self-reflection for our spiritual well-being. Navigating the permitted. We need to take their own pulse sometimes and answer the question of "Is this a need or a crutch/cop-out?"

Next installment be"H: Laundry, Purchases and Hygiene