Installment #6: Mishloach Manot & Matanot L'Evyonim – Halacha and Tips

A) Mishloach Manot

*Halacha

Every man or woman is obligated to give two readily-consumable food items to one person. When a husband gives, then technically, his wife can be considered exempt from his giving. However, if she wishes to give her own mishloach manot, then she has fulfilled a mitzvah. Additionally, each child (male or female) over the age of bar and bat mitzvah is individually obligated to give and is not exempt due to the father's giving. Parents must give their over-bar/bat mitzvah-age kids adequate resources (either food items or money) to fulfill the mitzvah of mishloach manot properly.

Do you hear that? That is the sound of a million Jewish moms fainting.

*Tips:

-Right off the bat I want to point out that at diff points of your life this mitzvah will be performed differently. When you are a mommy, you will be throwing potato chips and chocolate wafers into colourful bags. Other years you will find the energy to bake and assemble more intricate mishloachei manot. It's all good. Do not judge yourself or compare yourself to anybody else. And if you are blessed with daughters, when they are older they will have plenty of time to complain that you are embarrassing them with the mishloachei manot you selected. Until that point, enjoy giving simple ones and invest your energy elsewhere.

-Mishloach manot as X-treme competitive sport and/or an exercise in social guilt can be draining financially and energetically. Pay attention to whom you are giving to and why. Worry less about offending the Goldsteins and the Silvermans and pay attention to the person who might not be on the entire neighbourhood's list and who will really notice receiving a mishloach manot.   

-I feel like often while families are busy fulfilling the mitzvah of mishloach manot, they end up inadvertently transgressing baal tashchit (wasting things like food and/or money). 'Nice' and 'expensive' do not have to be synonymous. Some of my most appreciated mishloach manot were inexpensive. Like the faux-sushi salad I gave last year (see picture below). I let the kids each choose 2-3 types of junk food their friends like and they include that in their mishloachei manot. Balance.

  

B) Matanot L'Evyonim

*Halacha

Everyone is obligated to give charity to two different people in need. The charity needs to be given the day of Purim (so giving it say, Purim night after the night megila reading doesn't count). However a person may appoint someone to give on his behalf, assuming that it gets distributed in the day time of Purim.

*Tip:

-From Rabbi Weiner: Mishloach manot can be a face-saving way to perform matanot le'evyonim. If you know someone struggling financially but refuses to ask for help/take tzedaka, a seuda-friendly mishloach manot is a great way to preserve a fellow yid's dignity and fulfill matanot le'evyonim. 

May our unity and loving-kindness once again bring about Redemption, just as it did 2500 years ago!! Le'chaim ve'livrocha!! 

Next Installment #5: Halacha and Tips: Seuda and Drunkeness

*Halacha:

On the one hand, for men, drunkenness is part of the seuda (feast) obligation. Women are not obligated to drink to the level of "ad loyada" (not being able to tell the difference between haman and Mordechai).

On the other hand, regarding drunkenness, the halacha stipulates self-awareness as a prerequisite for men AND women; they need to be aware of their capacities and limitations with regard to alcohol in order to fulfill the mitzvah correctly. If a person knows that drinking will harm them somehow – physically, emotionally, or cause him to behave in an inappropriate manner, it is forbidden for that person to drink (copiously)!

What Rabbi Weiner elucidated that the quantity a person is allowed to drink is commensurate to the potential damage drinking can incur ("kefi erech ha-nezek, kach yesh le'ma-et be'shtiyah"). Since a man has an obligation to reach the edges of 'ad lo yada,' Rabbi Weiner wrote "there are some people that are forbidden from drinking altogether and there are others who can have 2-3 glasses of wine and it does no damage. So a man should drink however much he can to enjoy Purim, but not until 'ad lo yada.'"

He wrote that theoretically, if a woman has a high alcohol tolerance level and her behavior is unaffected negatively by drinking, then she would be obligated to drink. That said, can any of us claim this? So since most us would find our behavior compromised and generally impaired by drinking, for us it is forbidden to get wasted. That said, women too can raise a toast to Esther and Mordechai. Wherever you are on Purim, please raise a glass of wine or grape juice and know that I am across the ocean raising it back to you, wishing you a hearty "LE'CHAIM!"  

*Tips – see B: Seuda

B: Seuda

*Halacha:

Seuda must be held at any point of the daytime on the day of Purim. To fulfill the mitzvah of feasting, one must have washed and consumed a ke'zayit of bread any time before sunset the day of Purim. Even if the meal continues into nightfall after Purim finishes, you still bensch with 'Al ha-nisim.'

There is a Chasidic tradition to serve kreplach at the seuda. This is a motif among the food-related mitzvoth. This is why there is a tradition to present the mishloach manot in a vessel that is covered (doesn't matter if it's a plastic plate that is surrounded by cellophane. It's about the concept that the good/light/sustenance is hidden within and we must peel this world to find it.

*Tips

The best way to get ready for Purim is to not purchase a single frum magazine from Tu B'Shvat on! 😂 All those articles do is drive women crazy with thoughts of themes for the seuda and the mishloach manot. The Purim seuda is the wrong time to invest energy in making elaborate appetizers and delicate desserts; considering that all that effort will just end up puked on the floor. The drunks won't be the only ones with bitter bile in their mouths at that sight L  

There are several factors to take into consideration when cooking for Purim:

1. Minimizing the puke-age

- I don't know how to explain this scientifically but I noticed empirically that consuming sweets after copious alcohol consumption causes vomiting. On the flipside, avoiding sweet despite drinking copiously helped the food and alcohol stay down. But I refuse to skip dessert so I only make it for the non-drinkers. (This is also how I motivate my little boys from being tempted to sneak a sip of alcohol. They know they will miss a heckuva dessert if they do so they think the better of it.) I also don't make sweet dishes (like sweet chicken or whatever) for the drinkers. Keeping things salty and/or bland has many advantages for drinkers…

2. What goes down must come up…

-In general carbs like bread, rice, pasta are good because they absorb the alcohol.

-Themes can be fun, but if you're gonna do Mexican for example, don't make it super-spicy or super acidic because it can hurt on the way up and out ;) . Bland is good.

-I personally used to keep buckets near the drinkers cuz that helped me minimize the mess.

3. Find What's Gonna Make it Meaningful for You

Many of you know that for years, we had two separate tandem seudot – one for the men (upstairs) and one for the ladies (downstairs).

This was a good solution for three reasons:

a. I liked being able to serve nicer things for the women. (I even invested in the décor/paper goods, etc more, because it made me happy.) I enjoyed the process of preparing fancier dishes for the ladies, knowing it will be noticed, tasted and appreciated.

b. Not needing to witness the anarchy at the men's table, which I didn't find particularly uplifting or joyful. (Maybe one day I will sweeten those judgements within myself too.)

c. The ability to have beautiful (coherent) Torah discussions and sing (!!) and just live Purim. The segregation definitely afforded us that freedom. People kept asking me "isn't it double the work?" and the answer was "but it's SOOOO worth it!" It felt like an investment, not time-wasteage.

Ftr, last year was the first time in years that we didn't do a separate seuda but we arranged the table like a T (where the women were the top of the T) and we were still able to have the discussion but not the singing and it was really nice.

I will teach you one of my favourite short sentences in Korean to convey what I bless all of us to have on Purim: chemi-isomyon chokehsoyo! (I hope it'll be fun!)

Next Installment #6: Mishloach Manot and Matanot Le'Evyonim – Halacha and Tips

Next Installment #4: Halacha and Tips - Megila Reading

*Halacha:

Men and women are obligated to hear the entire megila chanted twice (once in the evening and once in the day time) from a kosher parchment megila. That's it. If your attention was interrupted by, oh, say a shriek from a tantruming toddler or crying baby (not that these things ever happen), you can make up the missing words by reading it quickly to yourself. As long as you don't miss more than a whole verse, you can still catch up and follow along with the baal koreh (the one reading the megila for the congregation).

*Tips:

For many women during mommyhood, this is a moot point because they usually get the megila chanted for them separately – either by someone privately or at a special women's reading. Hat tip to Sara Plotkin who suggested that, one solution is simply hosting the women's reading. This, however, may or may not work for some people. Either way, Purim requires couple tag-teaming so that you help each other fulfill your mitzvah!

*Story time:

They say necessity is the mother of invention. In my case, motherhood caused the necessity for me to look at the megila differently.

When my kids were little, I used to take the kids and babies to megila, not because I expected to actually be yotzeh, but for the kids to understand that this is how the Jewish calendar works; you go to megila. I'd pack their noisemakers and we'd see how long they could last/pay attention. They liked seeing everyone in their costumes and often they would make it at least for one "haman!" As soon as they would run out of patience, I would take them home. Avi would run home afterwards so I could run out to the women's reading. In the morning I wouldn't even try to take them to megila reading. Avi would go to minyan and then as soon as he would come home I would run out to the women's reading. This worked fine for several years until one year - it didn't.

One year everyone and everything was "off," and I didn't even try to take the kids to megila reading at shul at night. I said "no problem – they're exempt and I'm just gonna go to the women's reading later." Then one of the kids had an accident and I lost track of time cleaning it up and before i knew it, I had missed my chance to come on time to the women's reading. There was maybe one or two other times that happened in the past, and Avi read the megila for me (either borrowed one from a neighbor or later we bought one). But this night, Avi had to run out to a Chasidic tisch in Ashdod and couldn't stay and read it for me. What do I do?!

Avi remembered that I had shown him Chabad.org's megillah trainer that I said I was gonna learn from one day. He said "ok, open it up, take the megilah and just repeat what you hear from the trainer." He went off, the kids fell asleep, I opened our klaf megilah and started parroting what the rabbi on the website chanted, 2-3 words at a time! It took an hour and a half. After that, I decided to start learning it for real. Hey if I can remember Korean song lyrics off by heart just from hearing it over and over again, then why not something useful LOL?

Next Installment #5: Halacha and Tips - Seuda and Drunkness

Installment #3: Megilat Esther - A Quick Stroll Through the 4 levels of PRD"S, part B: Drash, Remez, Sod + Chasidus

Drash and Remez:

We left off in chapter 4, the pivotal chapter where the gender role powerflip unfolds gradually and climaxes in the last verse. Chazal see this scene as much more dramatic than what the pshat lets on. In chapter 3 we are told that Haman did the lottery on the 12th of Nisan (verse 7). Mordechai finds out immediately and runs to Esther. Then Chazal add a strange section to the dialogue, via midrash. After Esther asks Mordechai to gather the Jewish people, Chazal hear resistance in Mordechai's response; they are convinced that initially he rejects this suggestion.

They say it like this in Esther Rabbah 8:7 :

"These are the 13th, 14th, 15th of Nisan!" he replied to her "and within these days is the 1st day of Pesach!" She said to him "Elder of Israel, what is Pesach for?!" Immediately Mordechai listened to her and admitted her words were right as it says "So Mordecai passed and did according to all that Esther had commanded him." And there [according to a commentary this refers to the Jews in Babylon] they say "they passed the first day of Passover in a fast." [There is so much wordplay here! Avar – passing time, Passover pun with pesach/lifsoach, also aveirah.]

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to infer that of course Mordechai and the entire rabbinical court rejected Esther's idea out-of-hand initially - she was asking the entire nation to sin! By fasting, they would be committing not just one transgression, but multiple – not fulfilling the mitzvah of eating matza, maror, not drinking the four cups of wine and all the mitzvot associated with Seder Night.

Chazal put interesting words in Esther's mouth (that can be understood negatively/condescending or positively/respectful). "Elder of Israel, what is Pesach for?!" What led Chazal to seeing Esther being insistent and not just acquiescing meekly to Mordechai's command? The answer is simple: they read the 2nd half of the megila!

Now Esther's character evolution has been established, can this be the point of the megila? To encourage women to stop being pushovers and to take matters into their own hands? And does the megila explain how this shift occurred in her personality?! A docile person doesn't just become more assertive and self-assured from out of nowhere!

So I think the megila does give us the background on why Esther shifted and I think that that process is what the megila and Chazal are trying to emphasize and pass on for generations. For that we need to take a peek at the 4th dimension of Torah as well as the intersection of all 4 dimensions – aka Chasidus.

Sod/Chasidus:

No human development happens randomly. Even if it looks like it happens suddenly, there was certainly some kind of groundwork laid down that enabled the change to take place. Where do we see the megila laying down the groundwork for Esther's change? I think clearly in chapter two:

 "7And he had brought up Hadassah, that is Esther, his uncle's daughter, for she had neither father nor mother, and the maiden was of comely form and of comely appearance, and when her father and mother died, Mordecai took her to himself for a daughter… 11And every day, Mordecai would walk about in front of the court of the house of the women, to learn of Esther's welfare and what would be done to her."

First and foremost we see that Mordechai cares for her and nurtures her. And it's not just when she's a child – he is constantly invested in her well-being and prioritizing it. I think the other clue lies in the very verses that seem to be oppressive, that appear twice: "...Esther would not tell her lineage or her nationality, as Mordecai had commanded her, for Esther kept Mordecai's orders as she had when she was raised by him." I don't think we are meant to read this sentence "…Esther kept Mordecai's orders as she had when she was raised by him" in the patriarchal-tyrannical sense but rather in the sense of loyalty that stems from well-earned trust.

Chasidus talks about a mystical concept called "ohr chozer" – returning light. When describing the circuitous flow of energy in the world, Jewish mysticism says that for the dynamic to be actualized, it requires two parties – a bestower and a receiver. But the dynamic doesn't stop there. Once the receiver has received light/bounty/energy from the bestower, then at some point the receiver can now become a bestower – even to the original bestower! The metaphor Kabbala likes to use is that of the moon and the sun. The moon has no light of its own and only reflects that which the sun shines upon it. Except that the Jewish paradigm says there's another step we aspire to – where the moon absorbs enough light that it shines its own light. Hence in the time of the redemption, the Moon and the Sun will be the same size aka level of vibrancy.

Mordechai invests in Esther and she readily accepts his input. She doesn't just docilely accept his ultimata in a despairing manner but from choice. Hence she creates a dynamic by becoming a receiver. And when she is ready, she shines her light and he is willing to accept it because he knows her dissent is not coming from prideful belligerence. She already established the dynamic of mutual respect and therefore he hands over the reins to her when he sees that she is right. This is the ideal unity of the masculine and feminine according to Jewish mystical literature.   

And just to tie everything up neatly - lo and behold, what are our heroes' names in the megila? Mordechai, which is the Jewish version of Marduk, the Babylonian fertility god closely associated with the sun; Esther is the Hebrew version of Astarte/Ishtar – Marduk's consort and counterpart, daughter of the moon goddess. The megila closes a circle that was opened in the garden of Eden, when Chava subverted the respectful partnership dynamic and ended up causing the first exile (getting thrown out of Eden). Esther ends up rectifying it and causing THE redemption, for not only did she save the Jewish people's lives, but the Jewish people returned to Israel to build the second temple after the Purim story.

Next Installment #4: Halacha and Tips part 1: Megila Reading

Installment #2: Megilat Esther - A Quick Stroll Thru the 4 levels of PRD"S, part A: Pshat

An acquaintance of mine who is a respected feminist Torah scholar, once pointed out that despite being an Orthodox woman, she hates Purim and the megila. I asked her why. "The values seemed completely distorted, no?" she said. "We demonize Vashti who stood up for her dignity and refused to let anyone degrade her. And on the flipside, we celebrate the meek and obedient Esther who does the beckon call of every male character! How is this paradigm the one that we are encouraging our daughters to emulate?!"

I stared at her blankly and said "Have you read the entire megila? Like the whole thing? From start to finish?" She claimed she did and I said "there is no way you came to that conclusion if you did."

The essence of Purim and the megila is "ve'nahafoch hu" – flip everything 180 degrees. And since the medium is the message, the megila actually does this in the most literal sense. I once noticed that every single detail that appears in the first half of the megila in one form/context, appears in an opposite state/form in the 2^nd half of the megila. (Footnote of examples? The ginat bitan where his wife was killed is the place where he saves his wife, the letters, horses and messengers that are sent to exterminate the jews are sent to save them, the characters who were successful are crushed while the downtrodden are uplifted and so on and so forth.)

Pshat:

One of the most significant flips that occurs is that in the arena of gender roles. Let's take this play by play, first on the pshat level. Note: whatever is underlined is where Esther is receiving orders from male characters and the bolded words are the incidents where Esther is giving orders to male characters.

We meet Esther for the first time in chapter 2 and we are told:

"7And he had brought up Hadassah, that is Esther, his uncle's daughter, for she had neither father nor mother, and the maiden was of comely form and of comely appearance, and when her father and mother died, Mordecai took her to himself for a daughter.

8And it came to pass, when the king's order and his decree were heard, and when many maidens were gathered to Shushan the capital, to the custody of Hegai, that Esther was taken to the king's house, to the custody of Hegai, keeper of the women.

9And the maiden pleased him, and she won his favor, and he hastened her ointments and her portions to give [them] to her, and the seven maidens fitting to give her from the king's house, and he changed her and her maidens to the best [portions in] the house of the women.

10Esther did not reveal her nationality or her lineage, for Mordecai had ordered her not to reveal it.

11And every day, Mordecai would walk about in front of the court of the house of the women, to learn of Esther's welfare and what would be done to her…

15Now when the turn of Esther, the daughter of Abihail, Mordecai's uncle, who had taken her for a daughter, came to go in to the king, she requested nothing, except what Hegai the king's chamberlain, the guard of the women, would say, and Esther obtained grace in the eyes of all who beheld her.

16So Esther was taken to King Ahasuerus, to his royal house in the tenth month, which is the month of Tebeth, in the seventh year of his reign…

20Esther would not tell her lineage or her nationality, as Mordecai had commanded her, for Esther kept Mordecai's orders as she had when she was raised by him."

Until now we see support for my acquaintance's argument and this reality of docile Esther continues until chapter 4 where her and Mordechai's characters undergo a 180 degree flip.

"5 Then Esther summoned Hathach, [one] of the king's chamberlains, whom he had appointed before her, and she commanded him concerning Mordecai, to know what this was and why this was.

6 So Hathach went forth to Mordecai, to the city square, which was before the king's gate.

7And Mordecai told him all that had befallen him, and the full account of the silver that Haman had proposed to weigh out into the king's treasuries on the Jews' account, to cause them to perish.

8And the copy of the writ of the decree that was given in Shushan he gave him, to show Esther and to tell her, and to order her to come before the king to beseech him and to beg him for her people.

9And Hathach came, and he told Esther what Mordecai had said.

10And Esther said to Hathach, and she ordered him to [tell] Mordecai:

11"All the king's servants and the people of the king's provinces know that any man or woman who comes to the king, into the inner court, who is not summoned, there is but one law for him, to be put to death, except the one to whom the king extends the golden scepter, that he may live, but I have not been summoned to come to the king these thirty days."

12And they told Esther's words to Mordecai.

13And Mordecai ordered to reply to Esther, "Do not imagine to yourself that you will escape in the king's house from among all the Jews.

14For if you remain silent at this time, relief and rescue will arise for the Jews from elsewhere, and you and your father's household will perish; and who knows whether at a time like this you will attain the kingdom?"

15Then Esther said to reply to Mordecai:

16"Go, assemble all the Jews who are present in Shushan and fast on my behalf, and neither eat nor drink for three days, day and night; also I and my maidens will fast in a like manner; then I will go to the king contrary to the law, and if I perish, I perish."

17So Mordecai passed and did according to all that Esther had commanded him.

Chapter 4 records an interesting process. Mordechai immediately responds by ordering Esther, in this case - to go before the king and plead on behalf of the people. But Esther does not immediately agree. Throughout each step of the process, we are told that she orders Hatach to convey the message to Mordechai. Until finally, Esther sends an order to Mordechai (!) and in the last verse, the transition of power is complete where "So Mordecai passed and did according to all that Esther had commanded him."

There is an expression that perplexed our Sages in this verse: "va'yavor Mordechai" – and Mordechai passed over/crossed over. What did he have to cross in order to "do all that Esther commanded him"? According to pshat - he crosses over into opposite territory – from disagreeing with her to agreeing with her or in a wider way, because from here on end, he will be taking orders from her instead of giving them. As will all the male characters, who until now bossed her around. Note the language:

Ch. 5:

"4And Esther said, "If it pleases the king, let the king and Haman come today to the banquet that I have prepared for him."

5And the king said, "Rush Haman to do Esther's bidding," and the king and Haman came to the banquet that Esther had prepared.

6And the king said to Esther during the wine banquet, "What is your petition? It shall be granted you. And what is your request? Even up to half the kingdom, it shall be fulfilled."

7Then Esther replied and said, "My petition and my request [are as follows]:

8If I have found favor in the king's eyes, and if it pleases the king to grant my petition and to fulfill my request, let the king and Haman come to the banquet that I will make for them, and tomorrow I will do the king's bidding."

The rest of the megila, Achashverosh will be asking Esther "what do you want? What do you want me to do?" and awaiting her instructions… But there is another angle.

Next installment: Megilat Esther - A Quick Stroll Thru the 4 levels of PRD"S – part B: The other 3 + Chasidus.

Purim Installment #1: Introduction - Embracing Chaos (תרגום לעברית למטה)

Purim = Sweet Chaos:

Many women have a hard time with Purim for many reasons. Women who tend to love order of both time and space, have an especially hard time with Purim because it takes a sledgehammer to both. Add drunkenness into the mix, with all the bodily fluids that are associated with it, and it's enough to send a woman off the deep end. So what is the point of this strange holiday? What is it with the risks of drunkenness and why are we glorifying it?

So we're not. What we are appreciating is the demolition of borders, that alcohol is meant to facilitate on Purim. Rabbi Manis Friedman once pointed out that that is alcohol's main effect – that's why many drunks tend to invade personal space - because the inner walls in their mind that separate the "I" from "you" have tumbled down. Yes, Purim is a sledgehammer to definitions. Today I am not me; I'm putting on a costume to erase my inhibitions and express myself freely. Social order and cliques – nope. The Purim seuda is meant to be inclusive. Same for mishloach manot. Everybody gives to everybody. We are all one today. Matanot le'evyonim – no one gets left out or left behind.

Unity is one of the main points of Purim. Haman's argument before Achashverosh was that the Jews are "a scattered and divided nation." The gemara says that the truth of this statement (at the time) is what gave him power in the physical world to potentially carry out his holocaust. To combat that, we performed (and perform to this day) mitzvot that foster unity and cohesion among the Jewish people. What gave us the ability 2500 years ago to take that power away from him, is that we fasted and prayed – TOGETHER. If just a few righteous Jews would have done it, I don't know if it would have worked. But because we were doing it together – all the communities from India to Ethiopia – that is what knocked the pillar he was leaning on out from under him, so to speak.

The Megila – the Essential Story

The megila itself encapsulates the entire essence of the holiday, and not only because ostensibly it is a written record of what occurred. One of the main themes of the megila is the tug-of-war power-struggle between the genders. Whether it's Vashti versus Achashverosh, Esther versus Mordechai, Zeresh versus Haman, this is the nexus of all of the themes in more ways than one. (I will explore this in the next chapter.)

The megila's gender theme is also the backdrop for the halachos of Purim. Unlike Succot for example, there is no halachic distinction between men versus women in terms of mitzvah obligations on Purim. Both are obligated equally in all the mitzvot. The megila's punchline on the gender role struggle is the attainment of equality and harmony in the ideal way. The Chasidic masters already wrote how the crux of Adam and Chava's sin was the refusal to work symbiotically (with Chava subverting that balance) and how Esther and Mordechai succeeded in rectifying that sin, with their cooperation.

Synthesis:

The megila's other major theme is "ve'nahafoch hu" – the volatility of life, how fates and states can flip 180 degrees in a heartbeat. The gender role flip that occurred is one of the main arguments of the book. Hence it is incumbent upon women to find their place within Purim once again and not just tolerate it. To live the Esther-ness and the ve'nahafoch hu-ness dormant within us. Purim is a day for us to find and embrace the point of chaos within ourselves. For one day, JUST. LET. IT. ALL. GO.

So pour yourself a glass of wine, and let's start getting ready – be'simchah.

Next installment: Megilat Esther -  A Quick Stroll Through the 4 levels of PRD"S – part A

פורים: הקדמה – כאוס מתוק

לנשים רבות פורים אינו חג מתוק אלא דווקא יום קשה מאד לבלוע ואפילו לסבול. זה במיוחד קשה לנשים שממש אוהבות סדר במרחב וזמן כי פורים מהווה עבורן פטיש שש קילו לשני דברים אלו. תוסיפו לזה את ענין שכרות עם כל ההשלכות הביולוגיות וזה מספיק לגרום לאשה סלידה של ממש מחג זה. אז מה הסיפור כאן? למה אנחנו שמים על נס דברים כמו שכרות וכאוס?

אז אנחנו לא. מה שאנחנו מעריכים זה הריסת גבולות שאלכוהול אמור לאפשר בפורים. רב מאניס פרידמאן פעם הצביע שזה מאפיין את השפעת האלכוהול על בן אדם – שיכורים פולשים לתוך ד' אמות של בן אדם אחר – כי הקירות שמפרידים את ה"אני" ו"אתה" כבר התמוטטו. פורים באמת מהווה פטיש רציני לגבולות ומחיצות למיניהם. היום "אני" לא אני; אני שמה תחפושת למחוק את הביישנות שלי ולהביע צד אחר שלי. מוסכמות חבריות, נימוסים וכדומה – לא היום. הסעודה אמורה לאחד ואותו דבר משלוחי מנות. כולם נותנים לכולם. היום אנחנו מאוחדים. מצוות מתנות לאביונים דואגת שאפילו אנשים בשולי החברה לא יישכחו או יוזנחו.

האחדות זוהי עוד נקודה חשובה למהות חג פורים. הטענה של המן לפני אחשורוש היתה "ישנו עם אחד מפזר ומפרד בין העמים..." הגמרא אומרת שהאמת של האמירה הזו (באותה תקופה) זה מה שנתן לו כוח בעולם הזה לבצע את השואה שהוא תכנן לעשות. מה עשינו כדי להלחם בעצתו? קיימנו מצוות (וממשיכים לקיים מצוות) שמגבשות אותנו כעם. מה שנתן לנו כוח לפני 2500 שנה לנתק את עצת המן ממקור חיותה, זו העובדה שהתפללנו וצמנו ביחד, כאיש אחד בלב אחד. אם זה היה רק כמה צדיקים שהיו צמים ומתפללים  עבור העם, אני מסופקת אם זה היה מצליח להציל אותנו... אבל מפני שכולם השתתפו ביחד – כל הקהילות מהודו ועד כוש – זה מה שעקר את ה"עמוד" שעליו נשען המן...

המגילה – הסיפור המהותי

 המגילה עצמה מגלמת את המהות של החג ולא רק על ידי זה שהיא רושמת את הסיפור ההיסטורי. אחד הנושאים המרכזיים של המגילה הינו המאבק-כוחות בין המינים. בין אם זה ושתי מול אחשורוש, אסתר מול מרדכי, או זרש מול המן, זה נקודת ההצטלבות בין כל הנושאים מכמה זוויות. (אני אפתח את זה בע"ה בפרק הבא.)

הנושא של מין במגילה גם עומד ברקע של הלכות פורים. בניגוד לחג כמו סוכות לדוגמא, אין הבדל הלכתי בין גבר לאשה בנוגע לחיוב קיום מצוות פורים – שניהם חייבים בצורה שווה בכל המצוות פורים. האמירה המרכזית של המגילה בנושא זה היא השגת שוויון והרמוניה בצורה אידיאלית. גדולי החסידות כבר כתבו שעיקר החטא של אדם וחוה היה הפרת הכבוד ההדדי (כאשר חוה רצתה להשתלט על אדם) ואיך שמרדכי ואסתר הצליחו לתקן חטא זה על ידי שיתוף פעולה מושלם.

שילוב:

נושא מרכזי אחר במגילה הוא "ונהפוך הוא" – כמה שהחיים יכולים להתהפך מן הקצה עד הקצה בקצב של פעימת לב. המהפך שקורה בין המינים הוא אחד האמירות העוצמתיות במגילה. לכן זה נחוץ הנשים ימצאו את מקומן בפורים ולא רק לסבול את היום הזה ל24 שעות ולהמתין בסבלנות שזה ייגמר. אנחנו צריכות למצוא את ה"אסתר" ואת ה"ונהפוך הוא" שחבוי בנו ולחיות את זה לפחות יום אחד. פורים זה יום למצוא ולקבל (אבל באמת לקבל, בזרועות פתוחות) את נקודת הכאוס ובלגן בתוכינו. ליום אחד, תשחררי את עצמך אחותי!

אז תמזגי לעצמך כוס יין ובוא נתחיל להתכונן ביחד והעיקר – בשמחה. יוצאים לדרך...

פרק הבא בע"ה: מגילת אסתר – טיול קצר בפרד"ס, חלק א: פשט