*Halacha:
On the one hand, for men, drunkenness is part of the seuda (feast)
obligation. Women are not obligated to drink to the level of "ad
loyada" (not being able to tell the difference between haman and
Mordechai).
On the other hand, regarding drunkenness, the halacha stipulates self-awareness
as a prerequisite for men AND women; they need to be aware of their capacities
and limitations with regard to alcohol in order to fulfill the mitzvah
correctly. If a person knows that drinking will harm them somehow – physically,
emotionally, or cause him to behave in an inappropriate manner, it is forbidden
for that person to drink (copiously)!
What Rabbi Weiner elucidated that the quantity a person is allowed
to drink is commensurate to the potential damage drinking can incur ("kefi
erech ha-nezek, kach yesh le'ma-et be'shtiyah"). Since a man has an
obligation to reach the edges of 'ad lo yada,' Rabbi Weiner wrote "there
are some people that are forbidden from drinking altogether and there are
others who can have 2-3 glasses of wine and it does no damage. So a man should
drink however much he can to enjoy Purim, but not until 'ad lo yada.'"
He wrote that theoretically, if a woman has a high alcohol
tolerance level and her behavior is unaffected negatively by drinking, then she
would be obligated to drink. That said, can any of us claim this? So since most
us would find our behavior compromised and generally impaired by drinking, for
us it is forbidden to get wasted. That said, women too can raise a toast to
Esther and Mordechai. Wherever you are on Purim, please raise a glass of wine
or grape juice and know that I am across the ocean raising it back to you,
wishing you a hearty "LE'CHAIM!"
*Tips – see B: Seuda
B: Seuda
*Halacha:
Seuda must be held at any point of the daytime on the day of Purim.
To fulfill the mitzvah of feasting, one must have washed and consumed a
ke'zayit of bread any time before sunset the day of Purim. Even if the meal continues
into nightfall after Purim finishes, you still bensch with 'Al ha-nisim.'
There is a Chasidic tradition to serve kreplach at the seuda. This
is a motif among the food-related mitzvoth. This is why there is a tradition to
present the mishloach manot in a vessel that is covered (doesn't matter if it's
a plastic plate that is surrounded by cellophane. It's about the concept that
the good/light/sustenance is hidden within and we must peel this world to find
it.
*Tips
The best way to get ready for Purim is to not purchase a single
frum magazine from Tu B'Shvat on! 😂 All those articles do is drive women crazy
with thoughts of themes for the seuda and the mishloach manot. The Purim seuda
is the wrong time to invest energy in making elaborate appetizers and delicate
desserts; considering that all that effort will just end up puked on the floor.
The drunks won't be the only ones with bitter bile in their mouths at that
sight L
There are several factors to take into consideration when cooking
for Purim:
1. Minimizing the puke-age
- I don't know how to explain this scientifically but I noticed
empirically that consuming sweets after copious alcohol consumption causes
vomiting. On the flipside, avoiding sweet despite drinking copiously helped the
food and alcohol stay down. But I refuse to skip dessert so I only make it for the
non-drinkers. (This is also how I motivate my little boys from being tempted to
sneak a sip of alcohol. They know they will miss a heckuva dessert if they do
so they think the better of it.) I also don't make sweet dishes (like sweet
chicken or whatever) for the drinkers. Keeping things salty and/or bland has
many advantages for drinkers…
2. What goes down must come up…
-In general carbs like bread, rice, pasta are good because they
absorb the alcohol.
-Themes can be fun, but if you're gonna do Mexican for example, don't
make it super-spicy or super acidic because it can hurt on the way up and out
;) . Bland is good.
-I personally used to keep buckets near the drinkers cuz that
helped me minimize the mess.
3. Find What's Gonna Make it Meaningful for You
Many of you know that for years, we had two separate tandem seudot
– one for the men (upstairs) and one for the ladies (downstairs).
This was a good solution for three reasons:
a. I liked being able to serve nicer things for the women. (I even
invested in the décor/paper goods, etc more, because it made me happy.) I
enjoyed the process of preparing fancier dishes for the ladies, knowing it will
be noticed, tasted and appreciated.
b. Not needing to witness the anarchy at the men's table, which I
didn't find particularly uplifting or joyful. (Maybe one day I will sweeten
those judgements within myself too.)
c. The ability to have beautiful (coherent) Torah discussions and
sing (!!) and just live Purim. The segregation definitely afforded us that
freedom. People kept asking me "isn't it double the work?" and the
answer was "but it's SOOOO worth it!" It felt like an investment, not
time-wasteage.
Ftr, last year was the first time in years that we didn't do a
separate seuda but we arranged the table like a T (where the women were the top
of the T) and we were still able to have the discussion but not the singing and
it was really nice.
I will teach you one of my favourite short sentences in Korean to
convey what I bless all of us to have on Purim: chemi-isomyon chokehsoyo! (I
hope it'll be fun!)
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