Before I dive into the nitty-gritty (installments 3-5), I
want to mention a "bigger picture" idea that gives us the guidelines
for avodas Hashem, especially how to proceed when you're overwhelmed. It's an
idea I heard firsthand from Rabbi Groner (the Rebbe's secretary), may he live
and be well til 120.
He was describing the difficulty of keeping Shabbos
properly, since its laws are numerous and each one has a multitude of details.
It is very hard, in the middle of juggling the demands of life, to also make
time to wade through the volumes and volumes of material on Hilchos Shabbos.
"So what happens when we get to the World of Truth after 120?" he
asked. Does Hashem penalize us because we basically didn't keep Shabbos? No, he
said. But does this mean keeping mitzvos a joke? Are my mitzvos meaningless in
reality?!
He said what we get asked after 120 is "did you
honestly try to keep Shabbos?" If I kept Shabbos thinking "eh,
whatever, this is good enough - G-d will understand," for that you get
punished (whatever that means). But, if I sought to improve my practice of
Yiddishkeit and deepen my relationship with Hashem whenever opportunity arose,
then G-d is not exacting and the details are less important. When I showed Him
that the details of our relationship matter to me and I did my utmost within
the confines of my reality to know more and do better and still missed details
of observance, that bigger picture is more precious to Hashem than the details.
But if I denigrate the details, then Hashem has to restore their lost value to
me…
Intentions and actions are not enough - each
individually. If a spouse says "Bae, I love you and I intend to be
faithful but can't ever follow through on it," that is not love. On the
flipside, a spouse who mechanically fulfills functions (like saying "I
love you") to get it out of the way - also misses creating a satisfying,
3D relationship. It's about the difficult process of bridging the two worlds of
inner desire/intention and outer manifestations/actualization. It's the
investment in the process that reflects the caring and love.
It's also about the gradualness. For example, a husband
who ignores his wife 364 days a year but once a year gives her an expensive
present is appreciated differently than a husband who is attentive steadily and
buys something more humble for her birthday. By being progressively attentive,
we send G-d the message: YOU are not a task I want to check off and get over
with. You are on my mind and Your happiness is important to me." And ftr,
this is also the paradigm for all of our most precious relationships.
In light of all of this: when we are not able to do a mitzvah,
the distress over the lack is not meaningless; the remorse and longing for it,
carries spiritual weight. So if you are blessed to feel that pang of "oy,
I really wanted to…" then you are truly blessed. It means you're actively
connected to your soul and have a vibrant relationship with Hashem. The trick
is not to let the Yetzer Hara hijack that healthy sense of concern and turn it
into a quagmire of guilt and anxiety. That is where our constructive sadness
can become something destructive…
Bringing this into Olam Asiyah: Take time to acknowledge
and be grateful for your spiritual yearning; this is a treasure. This is the
place where true avodas Hashem begins. From there, the possibilities for ascent
are limitless. We only seek that which we are aware is lost. When we find it,
the trick is how to keep it...
Next 3 installments (be"H) :
#3: the halachos
#4: tips how to make it doable
#5: the light of the vessels of motherhood
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